Fall is here!! I LOVE this time of year. I am not big on cold weather, but the cool mornings and warm afternoons are just about perfect to me. I do very much enjoy the summer months too, but there is just something about fall that make me feel so much like a kid again.
Along with the start of the fall, we started a new book as a whole church, "Radical" by David Platt. It has been a very exciting journey for Colin and me to read through this book. It has stirred up things in our hearts that will forever change the way we think and view the world. I won't go into too much about the book because that is not was I wanted to write about today, but I will touch on one of the chapters he wrote and how we are letting it change our life.
Before I start though, I want to state that I am very proud to live in America. Very. I know that I am so blessed to have been born in this great country and I am also very aware of all the sacrifices that were made in order for me to have such freedom. Also, keep in mind that these things I will write about are just personal convictions that both Colin and I feel effect our lives. You may not agree and you have every right. But if there is one thing I have learned its that God will convict each person as he sees fit.
Now, in order to get the full effect of the book you just need to read it! But I am going to jump to chapter 6. It is titled "How Much is Enough". I feel like I am living in a world of excess. We can jumbo size, biggie size, king size and super size any meal that we can get our hands on! And I am guilty of always getting more than I need on a regular basis. Chapter 6 deals with how "wealthy" Colin and I are as we live in a world that is stricken with poverty. One of the staggering numbers that Platt puts down on paper is that in the time that it takes for me to sit through a church service, close to 1000 children die from starvation. 1000!! Ok, now I know that it is just a number, so think of it this way - I went to a school were there were 450 +/- in grades k through 12 --- in thirty minutes all those children would be gone.
Hunger and starvation are two things that I have never known. Again I thank the Lord for allowing me to be born in such a great country where I live among the wealthiest. But I had to wonder, "What would it be like?" In most third world countries people can feed their families for $2.00 a day. Colin looked up a TIME article where it showed one American family of 4 that spent close to $350.00 a week on just food! Now it would take that same family that was living on $2.00 a day three years to spend that much money on food.
As Colin read through the chapter he turned to me and said, "I wonder if I could live on just $2.00 a day worth of food for 30 days?" To which I replied, "I wonder if we both could live on $2.00 a day?" We want to do this so we can have some understanding as to what it is like to live on less. To "walk a mile in someone elses shoes" type thing. We might have to go hungry for a meal or two...we might figure out a way to make it the full 30 days. Keep in mind that as we attempt to get by on less, it is only because we have been blessed with so much that we are in a place where we can conduct this social experiment. The point is to experience, if even a tiny bit, what it is like to have to go without or to have to live on less than a dollar a day per person. We are not trying to see how frugal we can get or to see how low our food bill can get and then pat ourselves on the back because we saved so much money. Although, saving money and eating less are things that everyone in America should probably practice anyway. We get to do this voluntarily, but over 3 billion of the world's population are forced to survive on a dollar a day - and that dollar probably includes a lot more than just food. We might experience slight discomfort because we have to cut a few things out of our diet or cut back on portions whereas in many parts of the world it is survival, maintenance, and just trying to reduce the hunger pangs that never seem to go away.
Our current grocery bill runs anywhere between $200.00 and month to $250.00. We cut out most junk foods and started buying the house brands and found that we were saving a bunch of money and we weren't giving up quality. So now we are faced with another challenge. How do we cut back to even less when we have already cut out so much? Well, you get creative!
Colin took our shopping list and came back with what we hope is 30 days worth of food, and he spent about $110.00 total. We are only eating three meals a day, which means no snacks! Also we are only having one serving of whatever our meal is. No seconds or thirds. I make homemade bread that cost only pennies to make and we eat that with every meal as well.
Our first week we ate three meals a day for 7 days and only used $12.00 worth of food. I have yet to sit down and figure out how much this last 7 days has cost us, but I am going to guess that we are sitting around the same amount. Once I was able to figure out how much each item cost and about how much each meal cost to make, it is pretty easy to stay under the set goal.
This whole experience has really started to open our eyes and our minds.
(To be continued.....)
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Some more of our Summer!
Just some other pictures from our fast summer!!!
This is what our sidewalk looked like after the two lady bugs got done with it!! Too bad it got wet! 
Just one of the MANY springs at the 700 Springs Ranch north of Rocksprings. (In order to see the springs really well in this picture just click on it and make it bigger!)
These are two slides at Camp Eagle. I saw my life flash before my eyes as I went down it, but I now know I can exit a building this way, or a Southwest Airlines plain! Although, I didn't have a cold drink in my hand...I may have to practice that one. :-)
Colin and my running partner's husband, Cam, watching Erika swim for the XTERRA race.
I went through a few pairs of shoes this summer, and these are my newest pair. I like them the best so far.
Me and Marcy getting in a good ride early on in the summer. I had 10 seconds to set the timer, run up the hill, keep Ranger still, get on, and smile. It took us a few times to get a good picture. But it was fun!!
Erika and I took a trip to Camp Eagle to see what it was going to be like. 15 minutes into our ride we all ready needed to cool off! Lucky for us at the top of one of the hills there was a stock tank swimming pool!! In we went then off we went to finish the day!
Our garden was great this year, until it got so hot that all the plants burned up! But we did get to make pickles for the first time ever! I remember my mom making them as a kid, but it has been years. So this was a whole new deal for Colin and me.
William and I at our first team race!! William did great for his first ever tri! We did another one in August, but he ran over a nail and had to stop. The kicker was he was on his way back and had the hardest part over with!!!!!!! But I am still so very proud of him and all his hard work!
Some people have guard dogs...We have this little guy! When the girls were here Colin and the two of them found him. He just hangs out under our little Post Oak tree. My cat found him the other day so I had to move him to a safer place. I wasn't too worried that she would play with him too much, I was just worried that she was going to lay on him and squish him! She is the fattest cat ya know.Well these are just a few moment from our summer fun!
Enjoy!
Ronnie
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Summer came...Summer went
Summer started with out us knowing, so why was it such a big surprise that it ended without us knowing. I sat down and started to look through all of the pictures that we took this summer and have tried to sum up what we did.
We burned things up! Our business was only affected slightly by all the great summer rains. In fact we were able to get most all of our jobs in and save some for next year! This burning season was great! I just love it. I love the hard work that goes hand in hand with this job. I love the people that we burn with most often. I love seeing the before and afters of the land and hearing the land owners' overwhelming awe over what the pastures looks like when it is all done. In the above picture, the landowner was unable to even ride his horse in much of this pasture due to the thickness of the brush. Now, there is no place he cannot go! He was so tickled that he was now able to even drive a truck on the south line of this area, something that he has never seen done in his whole life time!
These two lady bugs, Jaylynn and Ally, were with us for 16 days while thier parents were in Africa on a mission trip. We took many trips to the library and the town pool. Covered our sidewalk with more chalk then I thought possible, and fed a baby deer.
This was my little vacation. Colin and I got to meet with the owner of the 700 Springs Ranch just north of Rocksprings, and for me it was two days off while Colin drove around the huge place. This picture is of the South Llano. It is at a place that not too many people know about. I was able to see it only because I put in the river in a kayak a few miles up in a private little spot. I spent the day before on the same river where the headwater springs are. Yes, springs. They just castcade right out of the rocks and flow into the river. 20 million gallons a day per spring! Just the art work of the Lord.
I spent all summer getting ready for this race with Erika (in the sunglasses) and it was a BLAST! We took a trip to Camp Eagle earlier on in the summer and from that trip we both thought it would be a better idea to compete in the XTERRA as a team rather than as individuals. The race was a 1000 meter swim in the river, and 10 mile mountain bike ride, and a 4+ mile trail run. Erika was the swimmer, and she was awesome!! Chelsey Lou (pink hat) was our runner, whose time was only four minutes behind a national trail running champ. And I was the mountain biker. I guess I did ok...I did make it out alive! We were hoping to finish the whole thing in 3 hours, and when Chelsey Lou crossed the finish line, we were done in 2 hours and 30 minutes!! That time was good enough to put us in first place for the 3 person relay! This was one of three triathalons that I did this summer. I also did one 10k race and I am working on a half marathon in October. My goal is to do a full marathon next year.
AND...I rode! As much as I could, when it wasn't 100+ degrees outside. My faithful mount and I have a great relationship. At the start of the summer I took him to a dressage clinic and we both came back different! Now there is nothing dressage about both horse or rider, but the trainer we worked with was great! I am so loooking forward to another clinic that should be happening some time this fall. I also made some really great friends at said clinic! It is just amazing how God can put such great people in your life when you least expect it!
We burned things up! Our business was only affected slightly by all the great summer rains. In fact we were able to get most all of our jobs in and save some for next year! This burning season was great! I just love it. I love the hard work that goes hand in hand with this job. I love the people that we burn with most often. I love seeing the before and afters of the land and hearing the land owners' overwhelming awe over what the pastures looks like when it is all done. In the above picture, the landowner was unable to even ride his horse in much of this pasture due to the thickness of the brush. Now, there is no place he cannot go! He was so tickled that he was now able to even drive a truck on the south line of this area, something that he has never seen done in his whole life time! 
These two lady bugs, Jaylynn and Ally, were with us for 16 days while thier parents were in Africa on a mission trip. We took many trips to the library and the town pool. Covered our sidewalk with more chalk then I thought possible, and fed a baby deer. 
This was my little vacation. Colin and I got to meet with the owner of the 700 Springs Ranch just north of Rocksprings, and for me it was two days off while Colin drove around the huge place. This picture is of the South Llano. It is at a place that not too many people know about. I was able to see it only because I put in the river in a kayak a few miles up in a private little spot. I spent the day before on the same river where the headwater springs are. Yes, springs. They just castcade right out of the rocks and flow into the river. 20 million gallons a day per spring! Just the art work of the Lord. 
I spent all summer getting ready for this race with Erika (in the sunglasses) and it was a BLAST! We took a trip to Camp Eagle earlier on in the summer and from that trip we both thought it would be a better idea to compete in the XTERRA as a team rather than as individuals. The race was a 1000 meter swim in the river, and 10 mile mountain bike ride, and a 4+ mile trail run. Erika was the swimmer, and she was awesome!! Chelsey Lou (pink hat) was our runner, whose time was only four minutes behind a national trail running champ. And I was the mountain biker. I guess I did ok...I did make it out alive! We were hoping to finish the whole thing in 3 hours, and when Chelsey Lou crossed the finish line, we were done in 2 hours and 30 minutes!! That time was good enough to put us in first place for the 3 person relay! This was one of three triathalons that I did this summer. I also did one 10k race and I am working on a half marathon in October. My goal is to do a full marathon next year. 
AND...I rode! As much as I could, when it wasn't 100+ degrees outside. My faithful mount and I have a great relationship. At the start of the summer I took him to a dressage clinic and we both came back different! Now there is nothing dressage about both horse or rider, but the trainer we worked with was great! I am so loooking forward to another clinic that should be happening some time this fall. I also made some really great friends at said clinic! It is just amazing how God can put such great people in your life when you least expect it! So thats pretty much it. Our summer in one short blog. It was a great one for sure and I give it all back to God. Without Him in our lives, none of this would have been possible!
I am now looking forward to this fall and seeing whats in store for us!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Lake Nasworthy Sprint Tri
About two months ago I walked into my in-laws kitchen and gave my father-in-law some news that would change his way of thinking. I told him that I had entered us into a sprint triathlon. We would be a team and he was going to do the biking part. A whole 10 miler! I would do the swim and the run and he would bike. With a blank stare he just nodded and mumbled “Well alright then.” So the training started that next day with a 12 mile bike ride. I wanted him to know that he could in fact bike the 10 and survive. After that, William was on his own. I would ride with him when we came up on the weekends, but most of his riding was done without me and after work. He did manage to encourage one of his neighbors to get her bike out and start riding! Sometimes that is all it takes.
The one thing that he needed was a good road bike. So with one phone call to my brother-in-law, Devin, we had what we needed. Devin gave William one of the nicest road bikes I have ever had the chance to ride. It is a Specialized bike for those that know anything about bikes, and it is fast! William said that it was the fastest bike he had ever ridden and he didn’t know if he really wanted it to go any faster!
So we trained and trained. Colin put himself in the position as head coach, and started thinking of how fast we needed to be and how long we should take time wise. He said “You should be able to do it all in one hour and eight minutes.” That was our goal.
I have been meeting my friends Erika and Chelsey Lou in the mornings and running at least four miles three or more times a week, and working in some swim laps here and there. So I felt ready and William was ready to get it over with!
The one thing that he needed was a good road bike. So with one phone call to my brother-in-law, Devin, we had what we needed. Devin gave William one of the nicest road bikes I have ever had the chance to ride. It is a Specialized bike for those that know anything about bikes, and it is fast! William said that it was the fastest bike he had ever ridden and he didn’t know if he really wanted it to go any faster!
So we trained and trained. Colin put himself in the position as head coach, and started thinking of how fast we needed to be and how long we should take time wise. He said “You should be able to do it all in one hour and eight minutes.” That was our goal.
I have been meeting my friends Erika and Chelsey Lou in the mornings and running at least four miles three or more times a week, and working in some swim laps here and there. So I felt ready and William was ready to get it over with!
(Pops and I before the race)
Race day finally made its way around and I was having a hard time containing my excitement! I had done a sprint triathlon two years ago, so I was ready for the event to get started. William had never, and probably thought that he would never, competed in something like this.
We pulled up to the park where the transition area was and got all our gear together. Got our numbers written on us, which William thought was so fun! They write your age on your calve and he said it was so when you crash they know what type of medical equipment to bring.
Then we started setting up the transition area. Bikes galore! Spandex as far as the eye can see, and some of the craziest running getups I have ever seen! William very well could have been throwing up on the inside, but was a cool as ice on the outside. That must be where Colin gets that from!
(Me racing out of the water to go tag William.)
We had our meeting and then before I knew it, I was in the water ready to go! I took off in the first wave of swimmers and then three minutes later the second wave would take off. Open water swimming, for those of you that are swimmers, is like no other. If you are used to swimming in a pool with lanes and walls to push off from, open water will eat your lunch! But 300 yards wasn’t too terribly bad. I managed, but now know that I will have to swim more before the next one.
(Speed racer coming in! He made his whole family proud that day!!)
So I raced out of the water and located my teammate. We tagged and he was off to do his 10 mile bike run. I then went back to our spot in the transition area and took my sweet time drying off and getting my stuff on and together for the run once William got back. Forty five minutes after the first wave of swimmers took off; the first runner was crossing the finish line. Oh man, the pressure was on now!
(Just in sight of the finish line)
Then more runners and more bikers were coming in…Then I see William! He was moving too! Once he got to the white line, off I went! I felt good and fell into a great pace. I was surprised at the fact that I was passing people…Lots! But I had to remember that most had just come off a bike and my legs were not as tired as theirs were. But still it was a small victory for me given that I am not a speedy runner. After running what seemed to be the longest one mile of my life I turned and headed back. As I came to the home stretch I could see the time…1:07…So I kicked it up and made it across the finish line in 1:08:!!! I could hardly believe that we did it in the exact time that Colin had set for us! I was so proud of William and excited about how well we did together as a team.
(William was happy to be done and still alive!)
I am already hoping that he will want to do another one, because I am all ready to go!
I do want to encourage anyone that reads this to get out and try something new!! William had not been “working out” prior to me telling him that he was on my team. Set some goals, sign up for some races or for some walks. Give yourself something to work towards. The San Angelo area has a running club called the San Angelo Road Lizards and they put on a bunch of events - most of them have short 1 mile distances and you can walk and run in many. The hardest part really is starting and making up your mind that this is what you want to do. I was not, and I can’t emphasize the not enough, a runner. But all I had to do was start. I did short distances to start with and then as that got easy I added to it. Now short runs are 4 miles in length. I am not trying to brag on myself, I just want everyone to know that it was hard at first and that 4 miles seemed like it was so far away. But stick to it, whatever it is that you are doing, and know that if you are doing anything it is better then doing nothing!
And again, I am so proud of William and all his hard work that he put into our team event! For him I think this is just the start. He has a goal and the drive to attain it! Go Pops and thank you for being such a great sport and father-in-law!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Keeping Lily Kate
Sorry for the long break in posts. Every once in awhile we get caught up in life and just don't get around to blogging. There has been a lot of stuff that has gone on in our lives recently though. Last week we had the opportunity to keep our three year old niece Lily Kate while my sister, Dana, was away in Oklahoma cooking the meals for a mission trip team. Her husband Blake was busy working and moving the family into their new home in Ft. Worth. We are very excited they were able to purchase a new house in a great neighborhood and move closer to Blake's work. It has been a huge blessing for them. 
(Lily reading the Bible to Jigs. Lily can't read yet, but the story was entertaining)
While both of her parents were busy we got to keep Lily for a few days here at the experiment station. We weren't sure how Lily was going to handle being away from her mom and dad for so long, but she took to it like a duck to water. We spent almost the entire time she was here outside running around doing something. Ronnie took Lily horse riding, they drove around on the ranger, they visited the goats, played in the sprinkler, watered all the plants, got to bottle-fed our neighbor's baby whitetail deer, and picked vegetables in the garden. She loved it! Lily ran around barefoot like a wild Indian making mud pies and "antler soup", she helped Jigs kill grasshoppers, and she even accidentally kicked a prickly pear. She's okay though.
(Lily riding JT around)
We even took her to a birthday for a friend of ours over on the Canyon Ranch and she got the opportunity to see literally hundreds of whitetail deer, axis deer, hogs, sika, oryx, fallow deer, red stag, and antelope (cantelope to Lily) as we drove through the ranch. On our way out we saw a newborn deer running beside the road. He laid down when he saw us, and I was able to pick him up and let Lily see the little guy. Her dad would definitely be envious of all the wildlife Lily witnessed on her stay with us.
(Playing in the sprinkler)
I think Lily had a fantastic time at Camp Roose and Ronnie. I know we certainly loved having her and are looking forward to the next time we get to have Lily stay with us for a few days.
Come back and see us Lily. Jigs says hi.
Monday, April 19, 2010
A girl and her horse
I guess you could say that I have had writer’s block for a while now, but then I guess you have to be a writer to get writer’s block and I don’t consider myself a writer of any sort! I just have felt like I haven’t had anything worth saying. All I have been doing for the past month is yard work, house work, halter breaking two mares, burning out a whole mess of brush piles, and now I am halter breaking a little yearling colt. Well maybe I have had stuff to write about, but nothing all that exciting to most people.
However, the mood struck me today while I was washing my face. (The “mood” doesn’t really care what you are doing when it sparks something in your head as I have found out!) I have been trying to come up with something to write about, but the only thing that I have really had any real thoughts on is my Beth Moore book that I have been reading and I don’t want to bore anyone while I work through my own insecurities. But today I was reminded of God’s never-ending love for me and for you.
A few years ago I took a trip to Whitesboro, TX with Girlstown and we visited a cutting horse farm for the weekend. To this day I remember ever single detail of that trip! It was truly incredible! We watched a cutting horse event then went back to the ranch and got to ride cutting horses that cost more money then I will ever see in my life. While I was there I met a man who told me a story that would forever change the way I view how I work with young horses. His name was Jim. He was the trainer and the coach for the riders at the ranch. He was a retired cop and it showed! I knew that if I were ever to ride under his teaching at some point I would end up in tears! He expected the best every time and was very hard on his riders. But in the ring, their riding stood out. They were amazing! The first night we were all there I got to spend some time talking to Jim about his life working with horse. Ya know questions like how long have you been riding, what is your favorite color horse, all the important things a horse women like myself needs to know! He told me that he had been riding as long as he could walk and always knew that he would end up working cutting horses. He also told me that he goes around to “Cowboy Churches” (very big in Texas) and does special programs for them. Jim then busted out his karaoke machine (and I am not kidding) and made me sing with him! Picture in your mind the worst American Idol audition that is what it was like with me singing to “Amazing Grace” the Elvis version! Poor poor kids that had to sit through that. But Ol’ Jim, now he could sing! He would take his little karaoke machine and travel to these Cowboy Churches, do his Elvis impersonation, then get down to brass tacks with the crowd.
Here is what Jim does. In a round pen he has a young or untouched horse. He stands in the middle and starts to work with the young colt or filly. He does this by putting pressure on the animal by just moving closer to him or her until the animal moves away. This is part of a long process of training and for some horses it can take hours before they submit and relax enough for you to even think of touching them. Some horses hate the fact that someone is trying to tell them what to do. I have seen some horses and worked some horses that will flip themselves over because they don’t want to do what I am asking. But for Jim he spends a few hours working the young horse until he can walk up to it, halter and lead it around and reward the animal for doing so well. After telling me how he sets this up he turns to me and stops cooking, and I will never forget what he said to me next “Isn’t that just like us and God?” WOW and yes! “Only thing is that horse figures it out way faster then most people ever will.” We spend so much time and energy running around and around trying to do it all ourselves, all the while God is just standing in the middle with His arms open just waiting for us to turn into him! Can you see it?? God is our safe place. He is not asking us to do anything that won’t draw us closer to Him. So why in heavens name do we fight him so much? I myself have been known to flip over backwards, much like the young horse, when confronted with something God is gently asking me to do.
When I work with these young horses, I am constantly reminded of Jim’s example he gave to me. Never would I ask the colt or filly to do something that I know they can’t do, neither does my God. Never would I put my horse in danger, neither would my God. Never would I hurt, neglect, or abuse the beautiful creature and never would my Lord and Savior do any of that to me.
Needless to say I am humbled every time I start a young horse. I am also reminded of how often I start over with my God. How frequently it dawns on me that I am running around in circles for no reason and all I have to do is turn and face Him, my safe place in the center. All I have to do is seek Him. Some day, if not on this earth then in Heaven, I hope to see Jim again and thank him for opening my eyes to this wonderful analogy.
(This is not me, just a picture I found to show you how this lady is moving the horse just by putting pressure on the horse's hind end.)
(This is Craig Cameron, horse trainer extraordinaire! Notice how the horse is dripping with sweat because they are afraid of Craig. Now notice that all Craig is trying to do is reward the horse for giving into the pressure that he is putting on him. He is not being forceful in any way towards the horse, yet the animal still keeps his guard up just in case.)
(Different horse just a few steps ahead of the white one in the last picture. There is much more slack in the lead and Craig is able to move closer and with much more ease. The horse has now figured out that to be with Craig in the middle is to be in a safe loving place.)
However, the mood struck me today while I was washing my face. (The “mood” doesn’t really care what you are doing when it sparks something in your head as I have found out!) I have been trying to come up with something to write about, but the only thing that I have really had any real thoughts on is my Beth Moore book that I have been reading and I don’t want to bore anyone while I work through my own insecurities. But today I was reminded of God’s never-ending love for me and for you.
A few years ago I took a trip to Whitesboro, TX with Girlstown and we visited a cutting horse farm for the weekend. To this day I remember ever single detail of that trip! It was truly incredible! We watched a cutting horse event then went back to the ranch and got to ride cutting horses that cost more money then I will ever see in my life. While I was there I met a man who told me a story that would forever change the way I view how I work with young horses. His name was Jim. He was the trainer and the coach for the riders at the ranch. He was a retired cop and it showed! I knew that if I were ever to ride under his teaching at some point I would end up in tears! He expected the best every time and was very hard on his riders. But in the ring, their riding stood out. They were amazing! The first night we were all there I got to spend some time talking to Jim about his life working with horse. Ya know questions like how long have you been riding, what is your favorite color horse, all the important things a horse women like myself needs to know! He told me that he had been riding as long as he could walk and always knew that he would end up working cutting horses. He also told me that he goes around to “Cowboy Churches” (very big in Texas) and does special programs for them. Jim then busted out his karaoke machine (and I am not kidding) and made me sing with him! Picture in your mind the worst American Idol audition that is what it was like with me singing to “Amazing Grace” the Elvis version! Poor poor kids that had to sit through that. But Ol’ Jim, now he could sing! He would take his little karaoke machine and travel to these Cowboy Churches, do his Elvis impersonation, then get down to brass tacks with the crowd.
Here is what Jim does. In a round pen he has a young or untouched horse. He stands in the middle and starts to work with the young colt or filly. He does this by putting pressure on the animal by just moving closer to him or her until the animal moves away. This is part of a long process of training and for some horses it can take hours before they submit and relax enough for you to even think of touching them. Some horses hate the fact that someone is trying to tell them what to do. I have seen some horses and worked some horses that will flip themselves over because they don’t want to do what I am asking. But for Jim he spends a few hours working the young horse until he can walk up to it, halter and lead it around and reward the animal for doing so well. After telling me how he sets this up he turns to me and stops cooking, and I will never forget what he said to me next “Isn’t that just like us and God?” WOW and yes! “Only thing is that horse figures it out way faster then most people ever will.” We spend so much time and energy running around and around trying to do it all ourselves, all the while God is just standing in the middle with His arms open just waiting for us to turn into him! Can you see it?? God is our safe place. He is not asking us to do anything that won’t draw us closer to Him. So why in heavens name do we fight him so much? I myself have been known to flip over backwards, much like the young horse, when confronted with something God is gently asking me to do.
When I work with these young horses, I am constantly reminded of Jim’s example he gave to me. Never would I ask the colt or filly to do something that I know they can’t do, neither does my God. Never would I put my horse in danger, neither would my God. Never would I hurt, neglect, or abuse the beautiful creature and never would my Lord and Savior do any of that to me.
Needless to say I am humbled every time I start a young horse. I am also reminded of how often I start over with my God. How frequently it dawns on me that I am running around in circles for no reason and all I have to do is turn and face Him, my safe place in the center. All I have to do is seek Him. Some day, if not on this earth then in Heaven, I hope to see Jim again and thank him for opening my eyes to this wonderful analogy.
(This is not me, just a picture I found to show you how this lady is moving the horse just by putting pressure on the horse's hind end.)
(This is Craig Cameron, horse trainer extraordinaire! Notice how the horse is dripping with sweat because they are afraid of Craig. Now notice that all Craig is trying to do is reward the horse for giving into the pressure that he is putting on him. He is not being forceful in any way towards the horse, yet the animal still keeps his guard up just in case.)
(Different horse just a few steps ahead of the white one in the last picture. There is much more slack in the lead and Craig is able to move closer and with much more ease. The horse has now figured out that to be with Craig in the middle is to be in a safe loving place.)Monday, March 29, 2010
This is what happens when I start to think...
I mentioned a few blogs ago that I was reading a Beth Moore book. It is her latest and the only one I have ever read, titled “So Long Insecurity: You’ve been a bad friend to us”. So far, I have really enjoyed this book. I have read others that are similar to Beth’s, but where those books just brush over the topic of being insecure, this one tears it apart!
I truly believe that being insecure is one of my biggest areas of weakness. I also think that this is an area where most women struggle. Show me any women and I will show you someone who battles with persistent insecurities. It is almost like it is in our DNA to have some form of insecurities.
In Beth’s book she has uncovered some things that I have never thought of before, or she has hit the nail right on the head. I began reading her book and thinking to myself, “Holy cats! I am not the only one who thinks that!!??? So I am not just making a huge deal out of nothing??!!” Or, “Thank you Jesus! I am not crazy!” After reading just a few short chapters of her book it became very clear that she was writing about feelings and situations that I myself felt or could have experienced just last week or even yesterday!
I sat down with Colin the other night and told him that I was going to write about what I had been reading and I told him the details. Not sure if he really wanted to hear all about them, but he got a magnum load of it anyway. He’s a good listener.
Early on in this book Beth wrote this sentence “We naturally despise people whose company we are forced to share if we feel largely threatened by them.” This is the part in the book where a light went on, not that it has never gone on before, but now right there in front of me in black and off white is a description of how I act sometimes. Hang with me here while I try and dig myself out of this mess and explain my conclusion.
Back to talking with Colin. I read him that same sentence and then told him what I thought it meant in my own life. Say we go to party, birthday get together, BBQ with some friends, or any place where there is a group of people. Naturally for me I am already feeling uneasy about going. It has ALWAYS been this way for me because I am already nervous about what situations might arise. That feeling of uneasiness I think stems back to some really bad relationships where I was “left out” or just ignored in the company of other people, women especially! Never in all the time that I have known Colin has he ever made me feel this way. Just wanted to point that out. He is a great man! Ok, back on track. So we make it to the event. My first reaction is to scan the room to find out what I am up against. At this point I feel like I am 12 again and way out of my league. I try and stay glued to Colin because if “she” is there then I want to be with him if she comes over and talks to him. Do you think I am crazy yet? No? Well it gets worse. So I find “her”. If you haven’t figured it out I feel the most insecure when around other women. There is no one specific thing that makes me feel threatened by this person. It could be that she is super cute, or dresses better then I do, or is way too beautiful to be around, or she could be just a very loud, or has to be the first one to hug every guy in the room, or dresses a little bit too sleazy for my liking. But whatever it is that triggers my craziness, the moment it happens and I see her, the claws come out but stay safely tucked away in my pockets. I try and remain calm. Well I give it an honest effort. I try and play nice. I try and not let ridiculous thoughts run through my brain. Thoughts like, “Crap! Colin is going to see her and think that she looks better than I do.” Or “DANG IT!! If Colin starts to talk to her, he is going to leave me and spend the whole night enjoying her company.” Again, this is stuff that Colin has never done to me nor will he ever, but stuff that has been done to me in my past. Once Satan gets into my head like that, I pretty much need to go home. My smile then becomes forced and my attitude stinks! This all can happen even with out any interaction between the person I feel threatened by. But if she does make her way to us and then hones in on Colin and doesn’t even see me…I see red! My blood boils. Instead of just saying Hi or saying anything, I become 16 and all sorts of bent out of shape. I would really like to think that I am way past all that nonsense, but nope! Then I feel like everyone knows what I am thinking, because it is written all over my face and in my actions, and I just assume that everyone hates me. At this point I myself think I am crazy. You can agree with me if you like.
Back to my conversation with Colin- He asked, “Well what if she is a long time friend of mine and I want to talk to her?” My first thought “AHHHH!!!! Nope! Not cool. Did you not just hear a word of what I said??!! I need to be the center of your attention at all times!!” I have such a great way of making it all about me. But what I said was different. I needed to understand that for guys it is soooo much different. They do not, DO NOT think like we do. I could be raging war with the chick across the room, but he’s completely oblivious to my internal conflict and he’s just excited because a new thing of chips and salsa was just brought out and “Lonesome Dove” is on TV. But I want to be able to answer Colin’s question I wanted to be honestly and not lie when I tell him it’s perfectly okay for him to chat with some old girl friend. I need to be ok with him talking to other women, even if it is “one” that makes me want to pour the cheese dip all over her perfect hair. My biggest concern is that when he is talking to her I don’t end up feeling like I am invisible. Now I understand and I get it that he can’t have a conversation with whomever and be looking at me the whole time. I get that. This is something that I need to work on. I also realize that my sudden dislike for the pretty girl over there stems from nothing she has done at all but rather from my own insecurities. She’s probably a wonderful person and we might actually be friends if we could get past our insecurities and be able to get to know one another. This is the battle I am fighting, but I know that I am not fighting it alone. When Satan starts to whisper in my ear that so-and-so over there is thinner than me, or her hair is better, or what if Colin finds her to be more attractive, I need to fight back. The battle has already been won over me. I have already been saved from the enemy’s grip. God has fought for me and will continue to do so if I will seek Him and ask for the help that only He can give me. I need to do this so that I can break the chain and be freed from these feelings.
I look back at all the times that I was on the defense and gosh, that is such an awful feeling. I want to apologize to anyone who might have been around me at those moments. I am so sorry. I have made a fool out of myself more than once and possibly never got to know some really great women because of my stinky attitude and insecurities that would not allow it. I am a work in progress (that sounds so corny!) and this is an area in my life that I am going to be truly working on.
I would encourage any of you women who struggle with insecurities to pick up Beth’s book. I was reading it last night when I came across this little slice of thought provoking goodness “…instead of looking for ourselves in God, we look once more for God in man, and just when we think we’ve found someone who can hold us high enough and long enough to assuage our fear of forgottenness, we get dropped.” As long as we put our faith and trust in man, we will continue to be let down. However if we put our faith and trust in our Lord and Savior we will always be lifted up.
I’ve tried my best to be as honest as I can and make sense of everything in my head. I hope that I didn’t loose any of you along the way! I don’t know if this will be the only blog entry dealing with Beth’s book, but I do know that if I can relate to the topic she is writing about then I know others can as well.
I truly believe that being insecure is one of my biggest areas of weakness. I also think that this is an area where most women struggle. Show me any women and I will show you someone who battles with persistent insecurities. It is almost like it is in our DNA to have some form of insecurities.
In Beth’s book she has uncovered some things that I have never thought of before, or she has hit the nail right on the head. I began reading her book and thinking to myself, “Holy cats! I am not the only one who thinks that!!??? So I am not just making a huge deal out of nothing??!!” Or, “Thank you Jesus! I am not crazy!” After reading just a few short chapters of her book it became very clear that she was writing about feelings and situations that I myself felt or could have experienced just last week or even yesterday!
I sat down with Colin the other night and told him that I was going to write about what I had been reading and I told him the details. Not sure if he really wanted to hear all about them, but he got a magnum load of it anyway. He’s a good listener.
Early on in this book Beth wrote this sentence “We naturally despise people whose company we are forced to share if we feel largely threatened by them.” This is the part in the book where a light went on, not that it has never gone on before, but now right there in front of me in black and off white is a description of how I act sometimes. Hang with me here while I try and dig myself out of this mess and explain my conclusion.
Back to talking with Colin. I read him that same sentence and then told him what I thought it meant in my own life. Say we go to party, birthday get together, BBQ with some friends, or any place where there is a group of people. Naturally for me I am already feeling uneasy about going. It has ALWAYS been this way for me because I am already nervous about what situations might arise. That feeling of uneasiness I think stems back to some really bad relationships where I was “left out” or just ignored in the company of other people, women especially! Never in all the time that I have known Colin has he ever made me feel this way. Just wanted to point that out. He is a great man! Ok, back on track. So we make it to the event. My first reaction is to scan the room to find out what I am up against. At this point I feel like I am 12 again and way out of my league. I try and stay glued to Colin because if “she” is there then I want to be with him if she comes over and talks to him. Do you think I am crazy yet? No? Well it gets worse. So I find “her”. If you haven’t figured it out I feel the most insecure when around other women. There is no one specific thing that makes me feel threatened by this person. It could be that she is super cute, or dresses better then I do, or is way too beautiful to be around, or she could be just a very loud, or has to be the first one to hug every guy in the room, or dresses a little bit too sleazy for my liking. But whatever it is that triggers my craziness, the moment it happens and I see her, the claws come out but stay safely tucked away in my pockets. I try and remain calm. Well I give it an honest effort. I try and play nice. I try and not let ridiculous thoughts run through my brain. Thoughts like, “Crap! Colin is going to see her and think that she looks better than I do.” Or “DANG IT!! If Colin starts to talk to her, he is going to leave me and spend the whole night enjoying her company.” Again, this is stuff that Colin has never done to me nor will he ever, but stuff that has been done to me in my past. Once Satan gets into my head like that, I pretty much need to go home. My smile then becomes forced and my attitude stinks! This all can happen even with out any interaction between the person I feel threatened by. But if she does make her way to us and then hones in on Colin and doesn’t even see me…I see red! My blood boils. Instead of just saying Hi or saying anything, I become 16 and all sorts of bent out of shape. I would really like to think that I am way past all that nonsense, but nope! Then I feel like everyone knows what I am thinking, because it is written all over my face and in my actions, and I just assume that everyone hates me. At this point I myself think I am crazy. You can agree with me if you like.
Back to my conversation with Colin- He asked, “Well what if she is a long time friend of mine and I want to talk to her?” My first thought “AHHHH!!!! Nope! Not cool. Did you not just hear a word of what I said??!! I need to be the center of your attention at all times!!” I have such a great way of making it all about me. But what I said was different. I needed to understand that for guys it is soooo much different. They do not, DO NOT think like we do. I could be raging war with the chick across the room, but he’s completely oblivious to my internal conflict and he’s just excited because a new thing of chips and salsa was just brought out and “Lonesome Dove” is on TV. But I want to be able to answer Colin’s question I wanted to be honestly and not lie when I tell him it’s perfectly okay for him to chat with some old girl friend. I need to be ok with him talking to other women, even if it is “one” that makes me want to pour the cheese dip all over her perfect hair. My biggest concern is that when he is talking to her I don’t end up feeling like I am invisible. Now I understand and I get it that he can’t have a conversation with whomever and be looking at me the whole time. I get that. This is something that I need to work on. I also realize that my sudden dislike for the pretty girl over there stems from nothing she has done at all but rather from my own insecurities. She’s probably a wonderful person and we might actually be friends if we could get past our insecurities and be able to get to know one another. This is the battle I am fighting, but I know that I am not fighting it alone. When Satan starts to whisper in my ear that so-and-so over there is thinner than me, or her hair is better, or what if Colin finds her to be more attractive, I need to fight back. The battle has already been won over me. I have already been saved from the enemy’s grip. God has fought for me and will continue to do so if I will seek Him and ask for the help that only He can give me. I need to do this so that I can break the chain and be freed from these feelings.
I look back at all the times that I was on the defense and gosh, that is such an awful feeling. I want to apologize to anyone who might have been around me at those moments. I am so sorry. I have made a fool out of myself more than once and possibly never got to know some really great women because of my stinky attitude and insecurities that would not allow it. I am a work in progress (that sounds so corny!) and this is an area in my life that I am going to be truly working on.
I would encourage any of you women who struggle with insecurities to pick up Beth’s book. I was reading it last night when I came across this little slice of thought provoking goodness “…instead of looking for ourselves in God, we look once more for God in man, and just when we think we’ve found someone who can hold us high enough and long enough to assuage our fear of forgottenness, we get dropped.” As long as we put our faith and trust in man, we will continue to be let down. However if we put our faith and trust in our Lord and Savior we will always be lifted up.
I’ve tried my best to be as honest as I can and make sense of everything in my head. I hope that I didn’t loose any of you along the way! I don’t know if this will be the only blog entry dealing with Beth’s book, but I do know that if I can relate to the topic she is writing about then I know others can as well.
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